the inside story...

July 29, 2017
from panic to prana

The suicide of yet another familiar face has stirred something up in me. Something that I haven’t been able to put to bed since I heard the news of Chester Bennington's hanging. Perhaps it is due to the fact that I grew up with his music, it was very influential in my upbringing or the fact that he was such a beautiful soul (as per his reputation) but it is more and more apparent to me that there is something that we are missing. There is an immense sadness that hangs in the air for me with this one.

Why does this keep happening? Is it due to the fact that us humans connect with the material world, trying to fill our spaces with objects, constantly searching for external validations, that next fix to fill the void you feel? I only raise the question as I have been there myself, alone and lonely searching outside of myself for the love, recognition, acceptance and happiness. This constant hunt is exhausting and I think that in the end, if left, that big gaping hole swallows you in until you no longer see light.

It saddens me now as I write this. Are we indulging too much into our flaws? Are they even flaws? Or just characteristics of a sensitive mind. People have said how cowardly the act of suicide is but it is not the word I would use. Regardless of the head space, it must be so incredibly hard to make that final decision to leave behind your family and friends. To not have life be the choice. Perhaps it is the exhaustion that takes over. Not that I am at all condoning it but rather allowing empathy to fill my words as I write this. Imagining someone so lost that they cannot see a way out.

In Yoga we speak of the Oneness. Oneness with all beings. Being able to love a stranger for who they are. Seeing them completely for the flawed flesh and bones that stands in front of you but choosing to love anyway. I think this is our mission in life. All of our missions. To connect the dots and find each other. To help where we can. To remove ego from the situation and instead of saying I or Me, connecting to the We. When we reach out to hold someone’s hand, our hand is in turn held as well.

I am no expert in the extremely complicated mind of the human race, I only speak from my own experiences. Trying to make sense of something so complicated is a conundrum.

In the Buddhist principle it is said that to be born is to suffer. Seeing this in more of a positive than negative light. Everyone suffers at one time or another but perhaps if we had that knowledge and made that connection, we would not feel so alone in our darkest hours. Perhaps if we allowed the acceptance to realise in our minds that failure is only failure due to our expectations linked to that particular story. A story that is written by us.

To me the answer has been living a self reflective life in pursuit of a spiritual connection. Realising that we are the artists and that painting each moment more beautiful than the next, is within reach. Allowing myself to make the mistakes and not holding onto them for too long. It is never easy and I will never claim it to be. Some days are better than others but I will tell you what helps me. That is to remove myself, my ego, my needs from a situation and rather ask the question what can I do to serve, how can I better myself to better serve the greater good.

They say it is better to give than to get and I do believe it to be true. I urge every person to connect. If the guy on the street is handing out flyers, just turn your head up, look him in the eyes. Acknowledge his existence. No step towards change is too small. Advice that I try follow daily is to look inside to find the best version of me. To let go of comparison and expectation and rather just do me. To allow myself the space to grow into whatever 'me' looks like.

It is important to have some sort of spiritual ritual or secural routine. Try setting aside 10 minutes a day where you tune into yourself, count your breaths as they enter and exit your body. Write something down that you feel grateful for each day. Don’t have an expectation. Allow whatever needs to come up to do so and see how that feels. Stay with it, it is a practice.

May we be peace.



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